On the Strength of a Promise
by Broedy
Summary: Kid promised not to ride on without her again. But when war separates him from Lou, she aims to hold him to another more important promise... to come back home to her. First published circa 2000 on The Kid & Lou Shrine.
1. Chapter 1

_This story was written about seven years ago and published on my erstwhile site The Kid & Lou Shrine. It was uncovered in some old files and dusted off because I still love this show… and it's being released on DVD at the end of the month! Woo hoo! And because I started a sequel that is still rattling about in my brain and won't go away, so I have no choice but to finish it._

_This story picks up right at the end of the series, after Noah's funeral._

**On the Strength of a Promise **

**Chapter One**

**March 1861**

A number of the townsfolk of Rock Creek milled in and out of Rachel Dunne's small living room as the gathering after Noah's funeral continued throughout the afternoon. Though not expected to be a lively affair, the gloomy and somber faces of the room's occupants made many of the guests uncomfortable. The threat of war and the presence of the blue-coated soldiers in town had affected each and every one of them, overshadowing the death of the young rider. The guests paid their respects to Rachel and to Teaspoon, and stayed no longer than absolutely necessary.

The other riders, what was left of them, spoke to no one, not even each other. Buck sat quietly by himself in the corner watching the hushed murmuring of people who had not even really known Noah. And yet his funeral caused a crowd to gather, due to the fact that the townspeople had marked his death as the beginning of the War Between the States. All afternoon the talk had been of secession of the Confederate states, Jefferson Davis, and Lincoln's recent inauguration. There was a buzz of fear and excitement in the crowd that sickened Buck to his stomach. He wanted no part of any of it. Before long he saddled his horse and rode slowly out of town to find some peace. Like Ike's death, he could make no sense of Noah's passing, and he would never understand the white man's need to kill each other in a futile civil war.

Cody stood composed and silent with Captain Erbach and the few soldiers who accompanied them. He was eager to be on his way too, though he knew his leaving so soon after the loss of their friend would be hard on Teaspoon and Rachel. Noah's death had left Cody empty. He knew no other solution but to leave with the army as soon as possible. Until then he would be unable to exact any revenge for the senseless killing. Cody needed to do that, lest his guilt and regret get the better of him. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other with controlled impatience as Erbach placated some worried mothers over the coming fighting. Cody wanted to be on his way.

Across the room, Rosemary Burke was similarly eager to leave Rock Creek. She shared Cody's guilt over Noah's death, deep down she even felt responsible. She could not bear to stay on a place where his friends secretly, and in some cases openly, accused her of bringing about his murder. She had no ties to the place and stayed only out of courtesy. But then, she also stayed for Jimmy's sake. She would stay to mourn the passing of his friend as long as he needed to, but it was her hope that now the Pony Express would be disbanded, Jimmy would be free to go with her to Kansas. Rosemary would find her own revenge fulfilled when she rejoined the abolitionists who once fought with her husband. Their work was only beginning, and the outbreak of war only heightened her desire to be where she was needed.

Jimmy would go with her, Rosemary was not mistaken about that. He had not left her side all day and had defended her to all of his friends. Jimmy would not stand for accusatory looks and snide remarks about her. They had not discussed the idea of leaving Rock Creek so soon, but now he would take little convincing. He sat, stony- faced, beside her, his dark eyes surveying the room until they fell on Louise who was comforting Rachel. The stationmistress had taken Jesse's leaving hard, and the sadness of the day's events had been too much Rachel who loved all the riders as if they were her own. Lou held her hand and patted it absently, her thoughts obviously elsewhere. Jimmy watched as her eyes stole around the room, looking for someone. Jimmy did not have to guess who. Mumbling a few words to Rosemary, he slipped out of the room and made his way outside into the early evening air.

Lou could not see him anywhere, and realized she had not seen him for at least a couple of hours since they had returned from Noah's graveside. Ashamed that she had not noticed her husband was missing from the room, Lou gave Rachel's hand a final squeeze and left her with Teaspoon.

Peering through the window of the parlor she could see that Katy was still in the corral, so Kid could not be far. They had barely spoken since Noah's death. It was as if they were too afraid to talk about the recent events and what they meant for their future. Lou had spent long, sleepless nights dreading what would come to pass — what she knew in her heart would happen now that the war was upon them. In her mind she could try and pretend otherwise, but she could not deny the dread-filled surety she felt in her heart.

Lou swallowed with difficulty as climbed the narrow staircase of Rachel's house. Soon she was standing before the closed door of the room she and Kid now shared. Her thoughts momentarily flew back to the days when they lived peaceably in the bunkhouse with the other riders — back when Ike and Noah were still alive and then when Jesse arrived to make a nuisance of himself. They had been so happy and carefree in those days that the memories were painful to her now. She could not look back if she was face to the inevitable future.

She placed a trembling hand on the doorknob and pushed it open. The room was beginning to darken as the sun slipped below the horizon, but she could still see Kid sitting on the bed staring out of the window. She smiled to herself when she saw his familiar strong back and shoulders, his tousled brown hair that fell to his collar. It was a comforting sight that sparked hope in her — perhaps she had been wrong all along… perhaps things could go on as they always had.

But then her eyes fell on the saddlebags on the bed beside him, lying half packed with Kid's clothes. Lou's chest thudded painfully and her hand tightened on the edge of the door. Giving herself a moment to compose herself, she cleared her throat and tried to speak as if nothing were wrong, as if she didn't feel panicked by what was to come.

"Here you are, I've been lookin' for you." Her voice was tight with emotion but Kid did not even seem to hear her. She stepped forward into the room. "Kid?"

"Huh?" he said after a few seconds of silence. He turned his head in surprise. "Sorry, I didn't hear you."

"I just said I've been looking for you. Have you been up here all afternoon?" Lou wished her voice didn't sound so timid, but she could barely control the fear she felt.

"I guess so."

She looked at the saddlebags again, but Kid had already resumed staring out of the window. He withdrew into his silence once more. Lou knew she would have to be the one to say it. Smiling sadly as if to cushion the blow, she ventured quietly:

"You're leavin', aren't you?"

He stood and walked towards the window. After a long pause, Kid's eyes met hers and she was taken aback to see they were shining with unshed tears. He glanced down at his feet as if looking at her was too painful.

"I have to go."

"I know."

Lou blinked back her own tears and walked towards him, but focusing on the window. She looked out over the town as dusk fell and watched the few people on the street going about their business as if nothing had happened. Louise's life was changing all around her but everyone else was just going on as normal. It didn't seem fair.

"What about the Pony Express?" she said to her own dim reflection in the glass.

"Teaspoon will understand. I'm sure he'll be able to find another rider to replace me."

Lou bit her bottom lip as he continued to avoid the most important issue facing them. She turned around to face him finally, her arms crossed over her chest.

"I hope you weren't plannin' to ride on without me again." The lightness in her voice failed to resonate, leaving her words hollow.

Kid sighed and looked down at her. "I can't take you with me to Virginia, Lou. It'll be too dangerous."

"Let's get one thing straight, Kid," Lou stated. "I won't let you leave me behind this time. You promised me you never would and I aim to hold you to that."

Kid smiled grimly when he thought of the promise made in the graveyard in Davenport where Lou had finally agreed to marry him. She had said she wanted to face any trouble with him, but Kid was afraid this was too much trouble for either of them to face. He felt it was his duty to return to his home and defend the land he had grown up on, but he could not put Lou in danger and risk losing her. When he told her as much she shunned his response.

"I won't stay here safe on Rock Creek while you're off fightin' in Virginia!" she said vehemently. "I'm coming and that's final."

Lou stalked across the room and started to pull out her own clothes from the bureau. Kid's eyes narrowed with determination of their own, and he grabbed hold of her wrist as she stuffed a handful of garments into the saddlebags.

"Lou, listen to me," he said fiercely, "I don't want you to come. It's too dangerous and no place for a lady. If somethin' happened to you I couldn't live with myself."

"And what about me?" Lou cried back. "What if somethin' happens to you in Virginia when I'm thousands of miles away? I don't want to lose you either, Kid. I need to be as close to you as I possibly can. I couldn't bear it otherwise… Please, don't leave me all alone."

Lou's last imploring words came out as barely a whisper, as tears fell down her cheeks.

"I've lost almost all of my friends and family," she said. "All the boys'll be leavin', and so will Teaspoon. I may never see any of them again. But you're my family now. You're my husband and we are supposed to be together. I love you too much to lose you."

Kid's face softened even as his chest ached painfully. He held her tightly as she wept, her body trembled against his. She clung to his neck as if her life depended on it and he was undone.

Kid wished they could banish the rest of the world and ignore the doings of other men that threatened to rip them apart. They belonged to each other and he knew they needed to be together for as long as they possibly could.

"Promise you won't leave me," she whispered in his arms.

"I promise," Kid said finally, hugging her even closer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Within the week, Kid and Lou said goodbye to their family in Rock Creek and were on their way to Virginia. Their leave-taking had been difficult, particularly for Cody who, if circumstances prevailed, might find himself on opposite sides of the battlefield from Kid. No one spoke of that possibility. Rachel had taken their departure very badly as well, having to say goodbye to her best friend and confidante in Lou. They did not know if they would see each other again, any of them, but the war had already divided the family irrevocably and there was no turning back.

Louise was quiet as they rode east, lost in her own thoughts. They would be spending two days in St. Joseph during their journey so she could visit with her brother and sister in the orphanage. Lou remembered her promise to come for her family when she could, and she would have liked nothing more than to have them with her in Virginia while Kid was off fighting. But she knew it would be dangerous, and Theresa and Jeremiah were much safer staying in St. Joe. It was Lou's hope that after the war they would be able to be together as a family, this time forever. If the Confederates could be believed this would only be in a few weeks' time. Louise was hopeful, but somehow she did not believe that the war would be fought out so quickly.

The journey to Virginia was long and tiring, but neither Kid nor Lou wanted to hurry it any. They had not been married long and the war would soon separate them, so their time together now was precious. Her visit with Jeremiah and Theresa was a happy reunion, but Lou valued the moments spent with her husband more. They passed through countryside familiar and unknown to her, rugged and breathtakingly beautiful. The further east they went the greener the landscape became. The south was everything she had remembered it to be, and Virginia everything Kid had described. As they drew closer to Kid's childhood home, Lou could finally understand just what the land meant to him, and how difficult it must have been for him to leave when he was fifteen.

The Kid had been raised in a small farming district near Manassas. His father had been a cruel drunkard and had lost the family's land and money, so before Kid was a teenager they had been forced go their separate ways in order to make ends meet. His brother Jed had stayed in Manassas with a neighboring farmer's family, while Kid and his mother had moved in with relatives not far from Richmond, just outside Williamsburg. Kid's aunt and her husband had not been overly thrilled with the prospect of two more mouths to feed, but Kid soon proved himself to be an able farmhand. It was not long before they were able to borrow enough money to purchase their own small plot of land, and it was here close to the cool waters of Chesapeake Bay that he spent the remainder of his short childhood.

Kid was fifteen when his mother died, leaving him to pay off their debts. Rather than spend his life trying to scratch out a living on the farm, he had chosen to head west in search of adventure and fortune. The adventure he had found when he signed up for the Pony Express, but the fortune had eluded him thus far. More valuable than any treasure though, in Kid's opinion, was that he had met Lou.

He was remarkably different from the naïve boy who set out from Virginia, and he could not help but wonder if the land he had known and loved had changed as well. This land that he felt the need to defend, with his very life if required…

But the war was not supposed to last long. Kid planned to take Lou to stay with his cousin and elderly aunt who still lived on their farm near Williamsburg. His cousin Robert was older than him by a dozen years and had become the elder brother he missed in Jed, so Kid knew he could be trusted. Rob had married young and stayed on the land, and although Kid had not seen him for many years, he did not doubt that Rob would still be on the same family farm as always. Kid was not sure if he intended to fight too, but if he did then Isobel, Rob's wife, would probably be glad of Lou's company. Kid would worry less about her if he knew she was with family.

They finally reached Richmond and set out on the final part of their journey. The countryside was lush and tranquil as they passed, prompting Lou to make-believe that there would be no war and all reports to the contrary had been a huge mistake. It was impossible to think of war when surrounded by so much beauty.

She glanced over at Kid as they rode on, wondering how many times they had traveled together like this, and when they would be able to do so again. She slipped her hand into his as they rode side by side and tried not to think about their impending separation.

They finally reached the farm in the late afternoon, and Kid was almost moved to tears when he saw that nothing had changed in his absence. A few cows and horses grazed in the lush grass, and beyond he could see small fields of crops swaying gently in the breeze. The cool air smelled sweet from the bay as smoke furled gently from the chimney of the farmhouse. Chickens pecked in the yard and an old dog burrowed lazily under the porch. Kid had never seen such a perfect sight, and he remembered why he had come all this way to fight. This land was part of him and of his family, and it was his duty to protect it.

He smiled at Lou, who seemed as taken with the farm as he was. No one appeared to be around as they dismounted, and the thought that perhaps his family had moved on after all flashed through Kid's mind.

"Hello?" he called out tentatively.

A man emerged from the back of the house, wiping his hands on a rag. He was tall and broad with brown curly hair, dressed in well-used overalls. Louise had no trouble picking the family resemblance.

"Help you?" the man asked, tucking the rag into his pocket. He suspected the couple in his yard were travelers out to buy some fresh provisions. More and more young men had passed through the area recently on their way to enlist in Davis's provisional Confederate forces

"Well now, that's a fine welcome, Robert Owens," said Kid cheerily.

Rob squinted a took a few steps forward. "Do I know you?" The young man did look familiar, but in the fading light it was difficult to tell.

"I should think so. It hasn't been that long. Although when I left here I suppose I was just a kid."

"Kid!" Robert approached them faster now, recognizing his cousin. "By God, is that you?"

Kid laughed as the older man embraced him in a crushing bear hug. "It's good to see you, Rob."

Rob took a step back and shook his head in disbelief. "Look at you! You're all growed up. I swear, you look like your brother too… Not a kid no more, I guess."

"Don't worry, the name's stuck." Kid grinned from ear to ear.

"Where've you been all these years, boy?"

"Out West. Up Nebraska territory the last coupla years."

"And who's this?" asked Rob, eyeing Lou who still stood with her horse's reins in hand.

"This, cousin Robert, is my wife, Louise," said Kid proudly, placing an arm around her.

"I swear," Rob muttered, shaking his head some more. "All growed up _and_ married. Who would've thought? I'm pleased to meet you, Louise."

"And you," Lou replied. Rob seemed a friendly, good-natured sort. She realized that apart from Jed, he was he only member of Kid's family she had ever met. "Kid's told me so much about you all, I feel like I already know you."

"I'll bet I can guess what he told you. Don't you believe a word of it, now." Rob laughed and slapped Kid's shoulder, his eyes shining with delight at his cousin's surprise return after so many years. "Isobel will be happy to see you again. Momma too. Come on in the house."

"Isobel still puttin' up with you then?" Kid joked as the entered the house.

"Don't you worry, she has me well behaved."

They entered the small farmhouse together, which turned out to be a small collection of rooms surrounding a central kitchen and eating area. A woman was bent over an open hearth, stirring a pot which smelled enticing. She had heard voices in the yard and guessed that her husband had invited more strangers to share a meal with them.

"Isobel, honey, you'll never guess who's here," Rob bellowed as he ushered them in.

His wife turned to greet their visitors and was surprised to see Kid standing where she had been expecting army recruits.

"Kid? Well, I'll be, it's Kid!" she beamed and crossed the room to hug him.

"At least you remember me, Isobel," Kid replied, elbowing Rob in the ribs.

"I remember you were a good deal shorter when you left. But I did dance a waltz with you at my wedding, and made all the girls jealous," she replied. "It's about time we saw you again, Kid. You've been away too long."

Kid admitted the fault with a shamed nod of the head, but he was soon smiling proudly as he introduced Lou. "Isobel, I'd like you to meet my wife, Louise."

Isobel smiled slyly a Kid before turning her gaze on Lou.

"Hello, Louise. I must say you're a lucky woman. Our Kid was considered quite a catch before he ran off to the wilds of the West. I'm glad to meet you."

Louise smiled as she sized up the woman before her. Isobel Owens was tall and thin, a sharp nose dominating her face which was surrounded by fine blonde hair. Lou could tell she had been a great beauty in her youth, but even though she was probably not much older than thirty, the years as a farmer's wife had made her features blunt. The warmth with she spoke endeared her to Louise immediately.

"What on earth are you doing out here, Kid? We thought you'd be mining gold out in California by now," Isobel continued as she took Louise by the arm and deposited her in a chair beside the fire. She recognized fatigue in the young woman which went beyond tiredness and resolved to take care of her.

"It's been a long time since I left, I know. But I think you can guess why I came back," Kid said, his voice serious now.

"Don't tell me you're foolish enough to be going off to this God forsaken fight?" Isobel asked harshly. She threw a sharp glance at her husband who had remained silent up until now. "You're as bad as each other."

"Now, Isobel, Kid's just doing his duty like the rest of us," Rob countered, casting a slightly embarrassed look at his cousin. The war was a sore topic in his house. "It's up to all of us to stop those damn Yankees telling us what to do. When Virginia secedes we have to defend her."

"What happened to your duty to your family, Robert Owens? Or your duty to your wife, Kid? I swear, men have no more sense than chickens sometimes." Isobel huffed and banged a coffee pot onto the table as she poured both Kid and Lou a cup of the hot liquid.

"You aim to enlist then, Kid?" Rob asked quietly. He was used to his wife's ire when the subject of fighting came up, and was glad that he had a new ally in his cousin.

"That's why we're here. Why I had to come back," said Kid simply.

Isobel's face darkened further as she sat heavily into a chair beside an increasingly morose looking Lou. The two women shared a brief glance that spoke volumes.

Rob held out his hand to shake Kid's.

"Welcome home," he said grimly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Kid and Lou spent a rowdy evening with the Owens family, due to their three lively children all under the age of ten. Amelia, the eldest, was immediately taken with Lou and insisted on sitting next to her during dinner. Lou could not help but be overwhelmed by her energetic brothers aged seven and six, as it had been quite some time since she had been around children so young.

Isobel and Rob did not seem to mind the loud conversations and children quarreling as they ate, but Lou felt herself withdrawing from all the noise and excitement in the small house. She longed for the open spaces of their journey east once again, where she could be alone with Kid in the cool spring breeze.

Another challenge was Kid's aunt Corinne, the matriarch of the household. The small, wizened woman sat, for the most part, in her rocking chair by the fire, but she let her opinions be known throughout the evening whenever she saw fit to comment on their conversation. She berated the children as unruly ruffians and admonished Isobel for letting them run wild. Isobel, for her part, seemed not to hear the unkind words of the old woman, and smiled ruefully at Lou when she caught her eye.

Corinne's chief focus that evening was Kid's boyish wife, Louise. Corinne peered critically at Lou's short hair and plain clothes, wondering just what sort of women lived out west. She had never traveled further than Richmond herself, and could not understand why anyone would leave Virginia in the first place.

She grudgingly approved of Kid's determination to defend his home soil when the need arose, like a good Southern gentleman. But Corinne spent the evening bemoaning the fate of her poor sister, Ann, who had married a drunkard and raised an outlaw for a son. Kid ignored her comments about Jed and his mother the best he could, but Lou could tell he was grateful when Rob suggested they step out onto the front porch to discuss some important issues.

Lou watched apprehensively as Kid left the room, knowing they would be speaking of the war and when they would leave to enlist. No matter how hard she tried to banish it from her mind, the thought that he would soon be leaving filled her with a painful, gut-wrenching fear. She felt dispossessed — abandoned amongst people and places she did not know. Lou thought of their family back in Rock Creek and wished they were all together now. She wanted to forget Virginia and the war and return to simpler times when they just delivered mail and had the odd adventure along the way.

Isobel noticed the miserable look on Lou's face and felt sorry for her. Corinne had begun badgering her for information on 'her people', so Isobel quickly stepped in and asked Lou to help clear the table. Lou complied, and smiled gratefully at her behind the old woman's back. Isobel led her out to the back porch of the small house where she had set up a wash basin.

"I like to do the dishes out here at night. Ma tends to get a little ornery after dinner," Isobel said kindly, pumping cold water into the basin. "Besides, the way I see it, we have to stick together. I've had to live with many a year now so I know what it's like when she turns that razor tongue of hers on you."

Lou tried to smile, but she was filled with sadness. The night was so beautiful, the sky filled with millions of stars, and yet she couldn't bring herself to enjoy them.

"I know it's hard for you, Louise. But I'm glad you're here," said Isobel, putting aside the dishes. Lou was fighting back tears.

"Everythin's happened so fast," she explained quietly. "A few weeks ago I was with my friends in Rock Creek — they were the only family I'd known in a long time. But now, everythin's changed. I don't know what's goin' to happen."

"I know." Isobel stood beside her, staring out into the darkness. The noise of the children and Corinne's commanding voice drained away into the background. "I've cursed this war since secession was first mentioned, but there's no stopping it now. And try as I might, I can't get Rob to see that he's needed here by his family more than he ever will by the Confederacy. But war does strange things to men, especially Southern men. It's their honor that's at stake."

"I don't want Kid to fight," Lou said in a low voice.

"Then why did you come with him?"

"Because I know he has to."

Isobel smiled, a grim expression on her face. "Then we share a bitter burden, Louise. But I'm glad you're here so we can. I hope you'll stay with us when Rob and Kid leave."

Lou felt sudden gratitude for the older woman. Even though they known each other only a few hours, Isobel managed to make her feel not entirely alone in her new surroundings. Despite Corinne and her interfering ways, Louise knew she was lucky to have a new friend in Isobel. She would not be able to cope on her own with Kid away fighting. They would be able to support each other as their husbands defended their home together.

"Thank you, Isobel, I'd like that," Lou replied, swallowing the painful lump in her throat.

Isobel smiled with more warmth, and Lou realized just how grateful Isobel was to have a companion closer to her own age. Life must be lonely for her with only her bickering mother-in-law and young daughter for female company. But Isobel said no more and returned her attention to the supper dishes.

"Let's get these done, then, before Ma tears shreds out of the children."

Lou smiled and joined her at the basin.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

The winds of war blew harder as the days went by. Both sides had reached breaking point and something had to give. The day the Confederacy opened fire on Fort Sumter, Kid had taken Lou to see some of his old childhood haunts. She cherished the days they spent together, and tried to be alone with him as much as she possibly could without offending their hosts. Isobel understood her actions, and never made her feel ungrateful.

Kid shared with her secrets of his past he never had before — the difficult times he spent as a child supporting his mother and running their farm. He didn't like to speak of her death, but as they sat together by a small creek than ran through the plot of land that they had once owned, Kid revealed the painful truth behind her passing. Lou did not interrupt as he spoke, she simply held his hand and rested her head on his shoulder. Kid had done the same for her when she had shared her own shameful past with him, after the death of Charlotte and Wicks. Lou knew he just needed to say the words and have her listen.

The day passed too quickly for Lou's liking. Each day seemed to slip by faster as the outbreak of fighting approached. The sun was beginning to fall when Kid suggested they had better turn back.

"No, let's stay here," Lou urged suddenly. Kid's eyes twinkled in the dull light, staring lovingly at her. Louise smiled enticingly and stepped closer to him. "Please, just for tonight."

"What about Rob and Isobel?" Kid said, but there was no argument in his tone. "And Aunt Corinne?"

"Isobel will understand that we need to spend some time alone. And as for Aunt Corinne, she can go ahead and lecture me for a week. But it will be worth it."

Kid smiled at her and stroked her cheek. He could not reveal to Lou just how difficult it would be for him to leave her. Kid was sure of his convictions when it came to fighting for the South, but the thought of leaving her was unimaginable.

"I'll make a fire," he stated simply. "I hope you don't mind sleepin' rough."

Lou stepped away to retrieve a blanket from her saddle roll. She glanced over her shoulder at him, a mischievous smile tugging at her mouth. "Who said anythin' about sleepin'?"

Kid grinned at her. His heart swelled with love for his wife and he wondered again how he could possibly bring himself to be parted from her. It was probably only a matter of days before he would have to. Kid suppressed the chilling thought and began collecting a few pieces of wood. At least they had this moment.

* * *

They did not return to the farm until well into the next afternoon. Lou dawdled as much as she could, pretending to enjoy the beautiful scenery too much to rush back. But the landscape was the last thing on her mind as she and Kid rambled over familiar farmlands. They were lost in their own world, too concerned with each other to contemplate the surroundings.

Eventually though, they had to return. Lou insisted on walking the horses the last couple of miles to prolong their journey further. When they rounded the bend leading to the Owens property, they saw many horses grazing in the yard, their male owners in consultation on Robert and Isobel's porch. Lou wanted to turn back immediately to avoid them — she knew in her heart that their gathering was an ominous sign. But Kid was already frowning at the spectacle, trying to hear what was being said. As they approached the house, Rob poked his head out of the small crowd and called his name.

"About time you got back. Have you heard the news? Fort Sumter's been attacked — this is it!"

Lou felt her heart skip a beat. The men on the porch were braying with delight at the news… their moment of glory had finally arrived. Kid didn't say a word beside her, but as she reached for his arm for comfort he stepped forward and was drawn into the crowd. Lou clutched her horse's bridle instead as her chest heaved painfully. The men were planning when and where they would enlist to give the Yankees a licking they would never forget. She desperately hoped Kid would turn around and look at her, to see her distress. But he did not look back once. Rob slapped an arm around his shoulder and cheered triumphantly along with the others.

* * *

Less than a week later, Virginia seceded from the Union. Neighboring farmers gathered as the news was brought from Williamsburg, and the men made immediate plans to leave for Richmond. Isobel had refused to listen to the announcement, she merely sat inside and savaging thrust knitting needles together in an attempt to make Rob a warm pair of socks. Corinne had branded her a traitor due to Isobel's hatred of the war, but even the old woman's constant badgering could not convince her to take part in the secession euphoria. Lou understood, however, and now sat by Isobel's side, listening to the excited crowd outside.

"They're leavin' in the mornin'," Lou stated dully. She felt numb, as if none of it was really happening.

Isobel did not reply and continued to click the needles together furiously. She had made her position on the war perfectly clear to her husband, but her arguments failed to move him. Lou still wished she would say something more to try and prevent them from going. In the last week Isobel had refrained from mentioning the war at all, much to Lou's consternation. It was her belief that if anyone could persuade them not to go, it was Isobel. Rob did everything else she said, why couldn't she just refuse to let him go?

Lou rose and stood at the window, staring bitterly at her reflection in the pane. With the darkened room behind her, her face glowed luminously in the fading light of the afternoon. Her eyes were large and shining, her hair pulled back from her pale face. The dress she wore was green, but in the window it appeared to be much darker. With a start, Lou saw a vision of herself dressed entirely in mourning black, her face tight with desolation.

The premonition, if that's what it was, shook her to her very soul. She pulled away from the glass in fright and ran to her bedroom. She curled up on the bed, trying to keep the dreaded image from stealing into her mind.

_She stood over a grave, dressed in a flowing black dress… in her hand a small bunch of mayflowers. She opened her fingers slowly and let them drop in to the open grave, tears streaming down her face._

Lou pulled a pillow over her head and cried bitterly as darkness fell.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Several hours later when the neighbors had dispersed so families could spend a last night together, Kid quietly opened the bedroom door and peeked inside. The room was dark, lit only by the pale moonlight from the open window. He could see her lying on the bed facing the wall, unmoving and silent. Kid set his lamp on the dresser slowly, trying to put off the inevitable confrontation as long as he possibly could.

The men had decided to leave for Richmond first thing in the morning to enlist in the Confederate army. To delay might mean missing out on the opportunity to defend their home and their honor, with predictions of the war being over in a matter of weeks. Kid would have liked to have stayed longer with Lou, but his leave-taking would not be any easier a few weeks from now. He was of the opinion that the sooner he left, the sooner he could come home to her, and they could begin their life together anew. He was now dreading the next few hours they would have to endure before he left in the morning.

Expecting a bitter argument or at least a flood of tears, he sat down beside her on the bed and kissed her shoulder. Lou had heard him enter the room but she made no move to acknowledge his presence immediately. She composed herself carefully before she pulled herself to a sitting position. No words passed between them as they stared at each other in the dim yellow light. There was nothing she could say now to persuade him to stay, and nothing he could say that would alleviate the sadness in her breast.

Instead Lou kissed him — the same gentle, tentative kiss they had shared on their first night together. She did not want to think about the war or his imminent departure, only to recapture those precious moments they shared together when they first declared their love for each other. They had been through so much since then and their love had grown only stronger. Lou wanted Kid to know how much she loved him, even if it was the last time she would be able to tell him and to show him how she truly felt. She wanted their last night together to be just like their first.

* * *

The horses were saddled at dawn, provisions packed and brief farewells made. Rob did not want to wake the children but Corinne insisted on seeing them off, standing proudly on the porch wrapped in a thick shawl over her nightgown. Isobel and Rob murmured a few words to each other out of her earshot, but then shared only a perfunctory kiss before Rob quickly mounted. Isobel did not even wait to see them leave, she had already disappeared inside the house.

Across the yard, Kid stood with Lou in the cool morning air. The birds had not even begun to sing, the dim light uninviting. They had said little to each other all night, and the words were still difficult to come by. Lou couldn't bring herself to say goodbye. There was such finality to the word which frightened her. Instead she entwined her fingers in Kid's and cleared her throat.

"You've always kept your promises to me," she said with great control. "And I need you to make another promise to me now. After this I'll never ask to swear to anythin' else ever again. But this is important… Promise me you'll come home safely. I don't care how you do it, but I can't let you leave until you promise me you'll be back."

Kid tried to swallow the painful lump in his throat. Lou's clear eyes bore into his intently, with a fervent, heart-breaking stare. Her words echoed through his mind as he contemplated the impossibility of her request. Such a promise was beyond his control, and yet she needed to hear it and believe it before she would part with him. As if it were as simple as making a promise…

Kid frowned slightly, the anguish showing on his face. But Lou still waited for an answer.

"_Promise me_," she pleaded in a whisper, her eyes growing moist.

Kid nodded slightly and tightened his fingers around her own. "I promise, Lou."

She sighed with relief at the words and leant in to hug him. With her head tucked under his chin, Lou listened to his heartbeat for a long moment. She committed to memory every detail of his embrace — his strong arms around her, the rhythmical pounding of his chest, the earthy smell of his jacket, the coarse material of his shirt against her cheek. Then, before he could pull away from her, she broke the embrace.

Kid opened his mouth to say goodbye but she hastily put a shaking finger to his lips. She could not bear to hear the word spoken. Kid understood without explanation and he kissed her deeply instead. He felt tears prick his eyes but he used all his willpower to prevent them from falling. Breathing heavily, he stepped back from her and pulled himself into the saddle. Rob was waiting for him now, though patiently. Kid took a long last look at Lou before he kicked Katy sharply and rode swiftly out of the yard. Rob had to turn his horse quickly to catch up with him after the abrupt departure.

Lou stood alone in the yard, shivering uncontrollably. She watched them travel quickly down the road until they were swallowed up in the early morning fog. Kid did not look back.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

The first few weeks of the war were almost a gay affair. The Confederacy celebrated its victory at Fort Sumter and saw an easy campaign ahead. Louise and Isobel received news of the gathering army along with the other women of surrounding farms, and they tried to keep track of their loved ones throughout the bustling preparations for the fighting.

Rob had opted to volunteer in the infantry, while Kid had taken a position in the cavalry. His experience with the Pony Express saw him in good stead and his captain had already selected him as a scout. His outfit was kept busy making patrols of northern Virginia, scouting out the landscape before any battles commenced.

Louise heard of these early days of the war through letters from Kid which arrived regularly. He had promised faithfully to write before he left, and duly filled her in on the day to day life in camp, the patrols they made, the countryside he saw. Kid always had some humorous anecdote to relate to her — something one of the privates had said or done, or about the loyal Virginians who cheered them on each day. Just the sight of the cavalry in their brand new gray uniforms inspired such confidence in them. Kid was immensely proud of his troop, and he shared these feelings with her in each of his missives.

Isobel heard from Robert too, albeit via a comrade in his troop. Rob had received little schooling and his writing was only passable, but Isobel read his letters out loud to the children with great pride. Louise couldn't understand her change of heart — Isobel had always been set against the war, but now she acted like a good Confederate wife, honoring her husband's brave and glorious defense of The Cause. Lou suspected it may have been an act for the children's sake, but as the weeks passed she could see that Isobel really was immensely proud of Rob and all the Rebel soldiers. The world was buzzing with excitement over the whole affair and she was not immune to the grandeur of the Southern fight.

Lou was less open with her letters from Kid, unable to share them with anyone else. Her heart pounded every time the mail arrived and she had to stop herself from tearing open the envelope immediately. She would wait and hear Rob's letter first, if there was one, carefully secreting her own letter in her pocket. It wasn't until she was alone that she would open it so she could savor each and every word.

Apart from telling her about life in the cavalry, Kid would close each letter telling her how much he loved her, and how he couldn't wait for the day when they would be together again. The words made her heart ache, but there was also joy in the realization that Kid missed her as much she longed for him. With any luck they would not be apart for long.

The early skirmishes of the war were small affairs — each side testing its forces and strength. Lou and Isobel made a point of traveling to Williamsburg each day for news, but there were no alarming reports of the armies being engaged. Weeks dragged into months and still neither Kid nor Rob had seen any real fighting. The women in their lives prayed this might continue.

Then, in the middle of summer, the Union and the Confederacy soldiers finally met head on in northern Virginia, in Kid's own home town of Manassas. Reports were sketchy at first, and many women waited anxiously for days to hear of the outcome and the fate of their husbands, fathers, sons and brothers. It was the first major fight of the war, and many believed it would set a telling scene for the future.

When Isobel returned breathlessly to the farm a few days later and announced triumphantly that the Federals had high-tailed it back to Washington, the neighborhood celebrations lasted for days. The Confederate army had dug in and rebuked the invasion of Union troops on their sacred Virginia soil, and watched as the blue-coats ran all the way back to their capital.

The war was won. The farming families firmly believed that now the Federals had tasted defeat at the hands of their Southern brothers, peace was now at hand. Isobel and Corinne — firm allies now, united by Southern pride — speculated it would be only a matter of weeks before the boys could come home. Louise smiled and laughed along with them, but did not share in their certainty, even though she desperately wanted to. She would not let herself succumb to the temptation until Kid was home safe in her arms.

Isobel declared they would be celebrating that night with the other neighbors, and she was even going to allow the children to stay up so they could be witness to the great Confederate victory. She was making excited plans with Corinne for a picnic supper when she remembered the letter she had picked up in Williamsburg.

"Oh, Louise," she said absently, digging into her skirt pocket. "I almost forgot, this was waiting for you in town."

Lou accepted the letter as casually as she could but she already recognized Kid's handwriting on the front. She thanked Isobel quietly and tried to steal away to her room.

"And where do you think you're going, missy?" Corinne's voice grated sharply. "You're expected to help at the celebrations tonight."

"Leave her alone, Ma. Let Louise read her letter," Isobel answered instead. At one time she would have let Corinne get away with her bullying, but Isobel used their new, uneasy friendship to set the old woman in her place when it was necessary.

Corinne humphed in her chair, annoyed at the audacity in the young, but she said nothing further. Lou took the opportunity to leave the room before she changed her mind.

* * *

Safely tucked up in the rocking chair next to her bedroom window, Lou carefully opened the letter. She smiled at Kid's familiar penmanship and settled back to read his news.

_July 20th, Manassas. _

_My dear Lou,_

_I'm writing you this letter from home, my true home. We are camped on the very land I was born on just outside Manassas. It is hard to believe that this will be the place we will first meet the enemy. All indications are this will be tomorrow or the next day, for their Army is camped just across Bull Run Creek. Weaver and I scouted out their position tonight. Captain Phillips chose me for this Honor because I am a Manassas boy. The Union army is large, but we are expecting reinforcements any hour now. _

_The feeling in camp is high, and the boys are looking forward to the fight. You must not worry about us, Lou. We will make a good stand. The South will be proud of us as we defend her. I hope you will be proud of me._

_I may not be able to write for a while. But do not suppose I am not thinking of you. You are in my thoughts every minute of the day, in camp and on patrol. I think about the night we spent under the stars a few months ago and I cannot wait to hold you again. The feeling is so strong sometimes I have to stop myself from turning South and riding home to you. Your picture and letters are in the pocket above my heart always, and your face is in my dreams at night. _

_The boys are bedding down now. I must take this letter into Town tonight in case we move out at first light. There is more I wanted to say, but I lack the words to describe the feeling in my heart. I feel so close to you at this moment and yet you are far away. _

_Lou, I think about the promise I made to you when we parted and I pray each day that I am able to keep it. You will be angry at me if I say it, but if this coming fight decides my Fate, never forget how much I love you. I will always love you, even in death. And I will always be with you, no matter what happens. Remember this._

_Kid._

Lou brushed the tears from her cheeks and folded the letter carefully. She could hear the cheerful voices in the kitchen and yet she felt so distant from the rest of the household. Kid had never mentioned death before in any of his letters, nor of the promise she had him make. It was almost an unspoken rule between them that they not mention the possibility of him being killed. And yet he had felt the need to write this to her before the Manassas fight. Lou thought of her premonition and shuddered. Could it be that Kid had a premonition of his own?

Unable to even consider the thought, she tucked the letter into her dress and decided to rejoin the others. She needed to be around other people in order to silence the black thoughts in her mind.

* * *

Hundreds of people gathered in Williamsburg to celebrate that evening. Bonfires had been lit despite the warm evening, and the air was filled with the smell of roast suckling pig and various other delicacies the women had prepared. Musicians played, people danced and others listened as old men regaled them with war stories from the Mexican campaigns. The town's militia also joined in the feast, some lamenting the fact they had missed the opportunity to shoot a Yankee. With peace expected to be proposed by Lincoln after the North's embarrassing defeat, they had been denied their chance to fight.

Lou did her best to join in with the others as they laughed and joked. But in the back of her mind she pictured Kid on the battlefield, dying along with the thousands of men who had perished in the first major battle of the war. Again she pictured herself a widow in black standing over his open grave, the drooping mayflowers in her hand. Lou felt a chill despite the summer heat and wished they could return home. It was not something she could dare mention to Isobel or Corinne though, as they proudly served up their rabbit stew to friends and neighbors. They were oblivious to her unease and she had never felt more alone.

Several hours later as the dancing and singing began in earnest, Lou decided to return to the farm alone. She could no longer stomach the jubilant crowd and their idle chatter. She felt ill from worry, a great sense of foreboding overshadowed her attempts to dismiss her fears. She nudged Isobel's elbow to try and attract her attention as she and Corinne gossiped with neighbors. It was then that she noticed the militia courier ride swiftly towards the crowd, seeking out his commanding officer. He was a boy really, no more than sixteen, but he bore himself with great pride as he delivered an official looking message the captain.

A small group of militia crowded around their leader, deep in conversation. Lou watched carefully as the captain discussed matters intently with his men. Then she felt a cold hand grip her heart as the man raised his eyes and looked right at her through the crowd. One of the others nodded and the captain began walking grimly towards her, the letter in hand.

Louise found she couldn't move. She could only wait as the uniformed soldier made his way towards her through the revellers. His actions went unnoticed by the rest of the crowd. It was if Lou was the only one who could see him. He approached her slowly but with purpose, it seemed as if he never took his eyes off her. Lou put a hand to her throat but it did not alleviate the difficulty she was having swallowing. She wanted to run away before the captain came near her, but her legs refused to budge.

Seconds seemed to drag into minutes. But then he was before them, standing a polite distance away as Isobel and her friends finished their conversation and the latter moved away. The captain removed his hat, his face solemn and unreadable. He drew up before the three women and bowed politely. Isobel smiled to greet him, but Lou's face remained stony. She knew what was coming. She had foreseen it all.

"Mrs. Owens?" the captain inquired. "Mrs. Robert Owens?"

"I'm Mrs. Owens." Isobel frowned at the grave way in which he spoke.

"This letter is for you, ma'am." He held out the folded paper regretfully.

Isobel did not immediately comprehend what was happening.

"It is from your husband's commanding officer," he continued, bowing his head again.

"A letter for me?" she echoed softly, but she did not take it from him.

The captain shifted uncomfortably. He felt foolish standing there with his arm outstretched. The two women either side of Mrs. Owens were staring hard at him. Then the younger of the two reached forward and removed the paper, thereby releasing him.

"My sincere apologies, ma'am," he mumbled into his clipped beard before walking quickly away.

Lou looked at the letter in her hand — addressed to Isobel, not her. She was dizzy, and the arm she reached out to Isobel with was as much to steady herself as to comfort her friend.

Realization about the letter's contents was slowly dawning on Isobel, but she couldn't bring herself to take it from Lou. People around them began to stare, waiting to see what she would do. Her eyes were vacant so she didn't see them, but Corinne refused to be a subject for gossip. She briskly took Isobel by the other arm and began pushing her through the crowd to their wagon.

Lou was left to round up the children, which she did without speaking. When they were all loaded into the wagon, Lou went to pick up the reins and found the letter still in her hand. Without a word, Isobel took it gently from her and sat rigidly on the buckboard as they drove home in silence. The message remained unopened and unread.

* * *

_July 27th, 1861_

_Dear Kid,_

_I can only pray that this letter finds you safe. We have had no word of casualties so I have no way of knowing if you were unharmed at Manassas. I cannot think of anything else. _

_I must tell you some bad news. Isobel received word tonight from Rob's commanding officer. He was killed early on the first day of the fight. I can't leave Isobel for long so I must be brief. She has been crying all night and I must look after the children and try to comfort her. I do not know what I can say to her. All I can think about is you out there still fighting - I don't even know where you are. When the letter came I was sure that it was meant for me. Then when the captain handed it to Isobel I felt only blessed relief. God forgive me but I was so happy for myself at that instant that I can barely look at her now. _

_It is getting light now and I must tend to Isobel. I fear she will be a long time recovering from this loss. I pray I shall never experience it myself. Come home soon as you promised, Kid. You must keep your promise._

_Your loving wife,_

_Lou._


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

In the weeks following Rob's death, Lou took responsibility for her extended family. Isobel, a woman who had never been afraid to set her husband in his place, now mourned him with such desperation that Lou wondered how she would survive.

Isobel had been married at sixteen and had never spent a single night apart from Rob until he left for the war. Now that he was gone she was uncertain in her thoughts and actions. She sat in her room for days on end, barely speaking to anyone, even her own children. Lou looked after them the best she could but she was soon exhausted from fulfilling the needs of three bereft children and the running of a farm.

The work fell entirely on her shoulders. Isobel still wept bitterly and didn't want to see anyone, and to make matters worse, Corinne Owens had decided it was her time to go as well. The old woman had now lost her husband and her only child who had survived past infancy. She convinced herself it was now time to join them, and she took to her bed and refused to budge. She was waiting for the Lord to take her home, she said. Louise doubted there was any medical basis for her sudden 'illness', but Corinne steadfastly maintained she was dying.

As the sole provider for the household, Lou was kept busy from morning until night — milking cows, feeding chickens, tending to the stock, cooking for the family, caring for Isobel, indulging Corinne in her hypochondria, and trying to console the young children who had lost their father.

During this time she waited for some word from Kid. There had been nothing since his last message on the eve of the battle at Manassas and Lou was growing increasingly anxious. The Confederacy had lost nearly 2000 troops in the fight but she never found his name on any of the casualty lists. They insisted only eight soldiers had been taken captive by the Union forces, and Kid was not among them. Though Lou persisted in writing to her husband during weeks following the Manassas fight, there had been no reply.

Lou reminded herself that during war time the mail wouldn't be reliable, but the idea that she should have heard something from him nagged at her constantly. Despite the long tiring days, she was glad to be kept so busy so she didn't have much time to contemplate the unthinkable. She comforted herself with the notion that his cavalry troop had been reassigned elsewhere as the Union army continued to amass in Washington. Virginia was steeling herself for another invasion, and Kid was probably being kept too busy to write. Lou had no choice but to believe it.

One particularly trying day was after she made a special trip to Williamsburg to check the most recent casualty lists. She returned to the farm relieved not to have found Kid listed among the dead, only to find the house in an uproar. Amelia had been left in charge of her younger brothers but both Robbie and Samuel refused to obey her. They had upset their grieving mother by yelling in the house and Isobel had started weeping anew after she spanked them soundly. She had locked herself in her room and Amelia felt she was to blame. Lou found the girl crying in the barn while her brothers played unconcernedly in the yard.

After straightening out the boys and comforting their innocent sister, Lou unpacked the supplies she had bought in town and turned her attention to Isobel. She was distraught and inconsolable, riddled with guilt over the children but unable to share their grief when it was all she could do to survive her own. Lou listened patiently and soothed her friend's fevered brow, all the while thinking of all the jobs she had to do before nightfall.

Just as Lou had settled Isobel down for a nap, Corinne managed to drag herself from her bed and screamed at Lou for neglecting her for so long. The children had not been in to check on her once in Lou's absence and the old woman's eyes were burning with fury.

"I can't even expect some comfort in my own home!" she cried vehemently. "Even though I am _dying_."

Louise sighed and apologized, but she was too exhausted to pander to Corinne's every wish. Her back ached from the unfamiliar farm work and she had barely eaten for weeks. Her days were filled with the care of others, and her nights filled with worry for her husband's safety. Corinne's bitter goading did nothing to lighten her dark mood.

"I would have thought you'd be more grateful, missy," she continued with a strength of voice that belied her supposedly feeble state. "After all, I took you into my home, a complete stranger."

Lou did not reply as she warmed some chicken broth for the woman. She did not have the strength to argue.

"A complete stranger, but I did not turn you away. Even though I had no idea of your background or family. Who your people are is anyone's guess." Corinne's voice was growing more spiteful and contemptuous with every breath. "When I think of my poor sister… Why, if she saw the kind of girl her daughter-in-law turned out to be, she'd turn in her grave! I've seen you ride a horse like a man! The shame of it!"

Lou pressed her fingers into her throbbing temples. Corinne was growing more and more erratic as the weeks passed and she had no qualms about insulting Lou right to her face. Isobel was no longer there to come to her defense and it was getting harder for Lou to hold her tongue. It was worse when Corinne started on about Kid. It was then that Lou found it difficult to hold her temper in check and to just ignore the old woman.

"Met you out west, did he?" Corinne was muttering. "Hmph, I can only guess where he came across you. Working in a saloon, were you? I know what loose women like you do for a living out there, away from decent society. He never should have left Virginia… You know, he's probably gone back to Nebraska. That's it, ran away west again just like he did when my poor sister passed. A coward probably, just like his brother. No wonder you haven't had a letter from him. He's gone and left you here, a burden to his family—"

Corinne's words were cut off sharply when Lou slapped her soundly across the face. She had crossed the space between them in the blink of an eye and now stood before Corinne, shaking with fury.

"My husband is no coward," Lou said menacingly through gritted teeth. She pointed a thin finger at Corinne's face. "Don't you _ever_ let me hear you say that about him, understand? I don't care who you are."

Corinne was shocked into silence. Lou withdrew her finger and went back to the chicken broth bubbling over the fire. She heard the old woman pad quietly across the room to the sanctuary of her bedroom, then Lou allowed herself to collapse on a chair down at the kitchen table. Bitter tears escaped her eyes as she regretted her outburst. Usually she would just ignore Corinne and her cruel ways, but calling Kid a coward had been too much. They didn't know if he was dead or alive — she had no right to call him that.

Lou slumped forward, her head resting on her arms as she cried. Her entire body ached and she felt as if she hadn't slept in a year. And she still had to fix dinner and check on Isobel and the children, as well as try and make peace with Corinne. After a few minutes Lou's tears stopped and she pulled herself up wearily from the table. There was no use putting off the inevitable. Retrieving a bowl of the soup, she knocked quietly at Corinne's door.

Pushing open the door, she saw the woman curled up under her covers, the room streaked with the dim light creeping through thick shutters which were firmly latched shut. Lou stepped inside and immediately opened them and the windows too, letting in some much needed light and fresh air.

Corinne was murmuring to herself as she often did, lost in her own dream world. Sometimes Lou would listen to her ramblings and realize Corinne was talking to people from her childhood, replaying conversations with long dead friends and family. She felt immediately guilty for slapping the old woman. Though she did not believe she was actually dying, Lou could not deny that Corinne was old and muddled. Her face was creased with age and misery, her body worn from a lifetime of laboring. Lou felt pity for the woman who had not had an easy life by any means.

Lou sat the broth on Corinne's bedside table and sat down beside her. She was muttering under her breath, probably dreaming of her childhood when life was still a time of innocence and relative ease. Lou did not want to disturb her — Corinne was often happiest after such recollections of better times. But she stayed by her side, and after a while she picked up a hairbrush lying beside the bed and started running it through Corinne's wispy white hair. The rhythmical motion soon lulled Corinne into a peaceful state. Her words stopped and a faint, contented smile appeared on her lips. Lou began to hum a tune as she brushed, drifting off in her own mind.

Her thoughts of Kid were soon interrupted when she felt Corinne's eyes on her. The woman was staring at her, though not unkindly. Lou smiled faintly and continued to brush her hair. Eventually a weathered hand appeared from under the blanket and Corinne patted Lou's knee.

"You're not so bad," she admitted softly. "Annie would have been proud of you."

Lou felt her eyes fill with tears again at the mention of the mother-in-law she had never met. She couldn't stop herself from crying these days. Her fingers brushed over the dark circles under her eyes and she sighed tiredly. It was the first time Lou had reached any sort of reconciliation with the ornery old woman.

"You look tired. You should take better care of yourself," Corinne stated. Lou laughed despite herself.

"I don't have time to take care of myself," she replied.

"Well, you don't have much choice now. Not with the baby."

Lou's smile faded from her lips. "What?"

"The baby. It's obvious you're expecting, child," Corinne said patiently.

"How can you tell?" Lou managed to splutter.

"Five pregnancies, that's how. And three grandchildren… Don't you worry, the mother's often the last one to know with the first baby. But I'd bet my last dollar on it."

Lou was stunned beyond belief. The last thing she had ever considered was a baby. She thought she and Kid would have a family after they settled down somewhere in the west. The idea that she was pregnant now was almost inconceivable. She was at a loss for words.

"My only regret is I won't be around to see the little one born," Corinne continued, lapsing into a familiar moan. "I'm _dying_, you know."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight **

Corinne did die eventually. But instead of passing within the week as she had first predicted, it took her almost five months to achieve the task. She was buried her next to her husband and son in the family graveyard. The turnout for her funeral would have pleased Corinne — all the neighbors came to pay their respects. But they also met to discuss the latest news of the fighting that was escalating, and the rumors of the movements of the Army of the Potomac and the Federal navy which posed a more localized threat.

After a short but sonorous service by the preacher that would have suited Corinne's melodramatic nature, the mourners retired to the farmhouse to get out of the bitter cold. Isobel, a tragic but stoic figure in black, led the procession. Only Lou stayed behind at the grave site as two older men filled it in with the rich Virginia soil. She thanked them after they completed the task but received only embarrassed smiles in return. They walked hastily away from her, their minds already on the warming cups of coffee they would receive from Isobel.

Lou smiled grimly as she watched them go, disdainful of their anxious departure just because she was pregnant. She was almost to term now, in fact Isobel suspected the baby would be born within the fortnight, and the men were not used to seeing a woman in her condition out in public. Lou didn't care. As much as she had disliked Corinne because of her sharp tongue, she could not help but miss the old tyrant. Corrine had not softened much in her final days and still felt free to criticize all and sundry when she saw fit, but Lou still felt her loss keenly. It seemed that all they had done lately was lose people.

Lowering herself precariously onto the cold ground next to the small line of graves, Lou looked out over the Virginia farmland. As they always did during these quiet moments, her thoughts turned to Kid. He was never far from her thoughts at any time, but when she admired the beauty of his homeland she could picture his smiling face, eyes shining proudly, as if he was right there beside her. The feeling was so strong that sometimes she would turn her head sharply, almost expecting him to be there in person. But the space beside her was always empty.

She had not received any word from him for nearly six months now. There had been no letters, no telegrams, no mention of him at all. Try as she might, Lou had been unable to find out anything that might put her mind at rest. She had contacted his commanding officers, the war department, politicians — anyone she could think of who might help her. But no one could. Many of the soldiers in Kid's cavalry unit had joined other companies after the Manassas engagement. Poor records had been kept and many fallen soldiers could not even be identified by their fellow troops.

She did know that Kid would not wait so long to write to her unless something had happened to him. Lou hoped and prayed that he may just have been wounded and was unable to write, or perhaps he _had_ written to her but the letters were lost. Lou continued to write him faithfully every week, sometimes more, in case he was somehow receiving her letters. She prayed every day that he would, and send word back that he was well and thinking about her and their unborn child. Anything was better than believing he had been killed in the fight. She would not believe it. She could not.

Louise was on the verge of tears when the baby kicked firmly within her. Smiling to herself, she cradled her belly and sighed. The thought of becoming a mother so soon had scared her at first, especially without Kid there to support her, but now the baby was the one thing she could find happiness in. Despite her fears for Kid's safety and the destructive war that was spreading all around them, Lou could focus on the baby and avoid contemplating the worst. She lived for her baby now, secure in the knowledge that one day Kid would return to them both. He had promised he would.

* * *

**January 1862**

Word was spreading of the Union army's intention to invade Virginia through Chesapeake Bay. The very idea terrified Isobel and other citizens of the area. Their militia had left to join the fight and they were left relatively unprotected, close to the waters which would be the conduit for the Federals.

Without husband or fierce mother-in-law, Isobel felt utterly unsafe and began making plans to retreat south to stay with her older sister, Lily. She and her husband Jack owned a small farm near Columbia in South Carolina where Isobel had been born. She reasoned that this was far enough south to avoid the Yankees, where she and Lou and the children could wait out the rest of the war out of harm's way. Not having been born there, Isobel felt no real ties to Virginia, and preferred to keep her children safe than to stay on their land.

Lou fought her vehemently, however, refusing to even consider leaving Williamsburg. If she left and Kid tried to find her… Lou would not hear of it.

"You'd rather the Yankees attack us in our homes, then?" Isobel argued forcefully, having received word from Lily that she and Jack were expecting them. She wanted to leave then and there, and was ready to battle with Lou if that was what it would take to get away from the Federals.

"I doubt the Yankees would harm innocent civilians, especially women and children," Lou countered, refusing to believe the stories about barbarous northern soldiers that made the local women so fearful. After all, Cody was fighting for the north somewhere, and probably Jimmy too… No, Lou did not believe they would be harmed if the soldiers came.

But Isobel wouldn't give up easily.

"We're all Rebels to them, Louise, traitors to their country. I will not put my children in danger in the hopes that the Yankee soldiers are honorable men."

"So go on to Columbia, I won't try and stop you," said Lou tiredly. The last few days had been draining, her back ached constantly and she could not sleep comfortably. The last thing she wanted to was argue with Isobel.

"And what about you? I can't just leave you here!" Isobel gasped.

"Why not? I'll be all right."

"Louise, you are about to have a baby — your first baby. I won't leave you here by yourself."

"I'll stay with one of the women in town," Lou said. "But I won't leave Williamsburg. What if Kid writes, or is able to send word somehow? What will happen if I'm not here?"

Isobel thought carefully before she answered. They had heard nothing from him for so long that she could not believe him alive. Yet she was not able to tell Louise because she would never forgive her. Lou had faith that Kid was still living and she clung to that hope for all that she was worth. Isobel supposed she would do the same in her position, but six months without contact was hard to ignore. There was no use arguing with Louise about the matter, Isobel soon learned that. Instead she took her hand and changed tack.

"If we were to go down to South Carolina just until our boys force the Yankees back to Washington, we could arrange for any letters to be sent to my sister's. Then as soon as it is safe we'll come home."

Lou seemed unconvinced, so Isobel pushed on. "You have to think about your baby now, Louise, not Kid. You know he would want the two of you to be safe. Nothing matters more than that."

"How can I not think about Kid?" Lou cried angrily. "He's my husband, out God knows where because of this damn war! I have to be here in case he comes home like he promised!"

"I know you need to believe that promise will keep Kid safe, but you must realize it's impossible. It just doesn't work like that," Isobel said gently. "You have to face reality and—"

"You think he's dead, don't you?" said Lou, her voice betrayed. She glared at Isobel with pure hatred.

"Louise, I'm just trying to think of you and the baby—"

"Like hell you are! Get out of my way." Lou pushed past her roughly and stalked towards her bedroom. She could barely see through angry tears.

Isobel sighed as the bedroom door slammed shut. She should have known Louise would have reacted with ire. The alternative was admit the truth that Kid was never coming back to her. Isobel heard a low moan from behind the door but decided to leave her alone until she calmed down. Later she would try and convince her to move south to safety, but for now there was no use.

Isobel had carefully stored the letter from her sister away and begun preparing dinner when she heard another moan from Lou's room. This time she also heard her name called with a gasp. She ran across the room and pulled open the door. Lou was standing there stricken and panicked, the floor wet between her feet.

"Isobel?" she whimpered in utter confusion.

Isobel was immediately by her side, her arm around her shoulder. "It's all right, it's just the baby." She made Lou sit down on the bed and tried to calm her down. "Looks like our little yelling match woke him up and he wants to see what all the fuss is about for himself. It's all right now, let's get you into a nightdress."

Lou was shaking nervously and she obeyed all of Isobel's commands with wide-eyed silence.

* * *

Lou was awake but she couldn't open her eyes just yet. Her eyelids felt so heavy that she felt she'd never be able to open them again. She was too tired to move or speak so she just lay there in a sort of calm oblivion. Lou didn't know how long she stayed like this, but eventually the difficulty subsided and she tentatively fluttered her eyes open.

The room was dim in the lamplight. Still too weak to move, she tried moving her head some but she had no energy. She was about to call for Isobel when she noticed the bundle in the bed beside her. Lou held her breath as she stared at the small red baby tucked in the crook of her arm. She could hear the baby's faint breathing as it slept peacefully. None of it seemed real. Louise could barely remember what had happened, she was so groggy. She had vague recollections of terrible pain and Isobel yelling at her but it all seemed so distant. Lou wondered if she was dreaming.

"Hey," came a whisper at her ear. "How are you feeling?"

Louise smiled wanly as Isobel moved around to the opposite side of the bed where she knelt beside them.

"The baby," Lou said. It was a half-statement, half-question. Lou wasn't sure of anything at that moment.

"She's a real beauty, Louise. And she has a good set of lungs on her too." Isobel grinned. "That's two things you have in common."

Lou looked at the baby again. A girl. She had a daughter.

"You need to try and get some more sleep. Do you want me to take her?"

"No," replied Lou quickly. "I'm all right."

Isobel raised a disbelieving eyebrow but she didn't protest. Louise had been in labor for over twenty-four hours and Isobel was almost as tired as she was. There had been no complications, much to Isobel's relief. She had just found out from a neighbor that the town doctor had left for the war only two days before. But the baby had arrived safely and now Isobel could finally rest.

"I'll just be in the kitchen if you need me," she told Lou, and quietly slipped out of the room.

Lou had not taken her eyes off her daughter, and barely heard Isobel. She tentatively touched her soft downy head and stared in disbelief. Lou felt warm tears on her face as she stroked the baby's cheek and felt her move under her touch.

"You look just like your father," she whispered. "He would be so proud of you."

Lou imagined Kid's face if he was with them now, and knew just what his reaction would be. Their first child. Lou swallowed the sadness rising in her throat. She wished he could share in this moment with her. Lou felt she needed to explain why he wasn't.

"Your Daddy couldn't be here just now, but I know he wishes he could be. He'll be so happy when he finds out about you, and holds you in his arms for the first time. He'll be home as soon as he can, so don't you worry."

Lou knew in her heart that this baby would mean more to Kid than any land could, or any memories. Virginia may have been the reason he returned to fight, but this baby would be the reason he would come home.

"Maybe that's what I should call you then, hmm?" Lou said thoughtfully to the sleeping babe. "What do you think of Virginia?"

The baby stirred slightly in her sleep, prompting Lou to smile and kiss her brow.

"I'll take that as a yes, Virginia."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

**March 1862 **

Isobel's decision to move further south because of mounting hostilities in Virginia had to be postponed because of the birth of the baby. But no sooner had Lou recovered from the birth than McClennan's army began its invasion of the Confederate States of America. When word spread of the coming battle that would rage along the coastline of Chesapeake Bay, Isobel put her foot down and insisted they leave for South Carolina immediately.

Though Louise hated to leave Williamsburg — the last place she and Kid had been together — she could not fault the wisdom in Isobel's thinking. They had the children to think of now and she had her own daughter's safety to consider. So Lou protested little when Isobel began packing up their worldly goods into the wagon, leaving behind nothing for the Yankees to steal if they reached so far inland.

The day before they planned to leave the farm, Lou left the sleeping baby under Amelia's watchful eye and slipped away from the house before Isobel could give her something else to do. Lou hated to leave Virginia, or Ginnie as she had been dubbed by her cousins, but she had to do something before she could leave. She had not been on Rob and Isobel's farm too long, and yet she felt as if she was leaving home.

Lou realized she was afraid to leave because it was here that she had been closest to Kid before the war separated them. It was here she had missed him desperately, prayed for him constantly, remembered their happier times together, and where she had borne their child. Lou felt that somehow by leaving that these things might change, that by moving away from the last place they had been together she would somehow lose the last ties she had to Kid.

It might have been different if she knew for sure he was safe. The terrible nagging doubt she suffered was crippling at times, and it was all she could do to get out of bed in the morning. Just one letter or news of his safety would have allayed her fears and she could have taken Ginnie away to South Carolina without any regrets. But Lou had received no word. She would have to leave knowing that Kid might never return to her or ever meet his daughter.

Louise did not want to even consider the possibility, but on the eve of their departure she felt compelled to visit the camping spot on Kid's old farm where they had spent the night together. It was the last night they had had alone with each other, just the two of them, when the rest of the world seemed miles away. Lou often remembered that night as one of the happiest she had ever spent, so she went there now to try and revisit the past.

Sitting on a stump by the gurgling creek, she smiled as she remembered their lives before war had erupted. They were happy times for the most part, those spent with the Pony Express in Sweetwater and Rock Creek. They had friends and a family, but more importantly they had found each other. Lou had fallen in love with Kid as soon as she met him, and though the year that followed had not been completely smooth, in the end their love had prevailed. Despite their differences and Kid's insistent worrying for her safety which had once been so aggravating, Lou had always known they would one day be together.

She remembered his ever-present concern and would have given anything in the world to have it back. To have him frown and mutter when she rode off fearlessly, or to hear one his carefully worded attempts to stop her from doing something he considered too dangerous would have been music to her ears.

Lou thought about the night they had camped on this spot and replayed their conversations in her head, picturing Kid's face and the firelight that danced upon it. They had talked all night about anything and everything, laughed together, cried together, and whispered words of devotion and love. Lou sat in that very spot for hours, unmoving, trying to savor the precious moments they had shared. It was her only way of saying goodbye.

* * *

They were a strange sight as they began their travels south: two women, three children and a baby all in a wagon followed by two cows and an extra horse. Isobel had even made a makeshift cage for their five chickens and transported them in the back of the wagon too. The journey was slow and hard, but Lou could not help but enjoy being out in the open again, travelling through the beautiful countryside. There was little sign of the war as they snaked their way along paths and river banks and entered the Deep South.

Isobel's sister, Lily, lived on a farm half a day's ride from Columbia. She had been married to Jack Johnston for over twenty years and together they had raised two fine sons and a prospering farm. Lily was overjoyed when Isobel sent a letter accepting her offer to stay with them. She had practically raised her younger sister after their parents died and they had not seen each other for many years. Lily felt much better knowing that Isobel would be safe with them in South Carolina than further north in Virginia where the war was a gruesome reality. It was enough that Isobel had lost her husband, she had to think of her children's safety now.

Lily had taken Rob's death badly, despite the fact that she had not known him very well. Her own two sons had enlisted to fight as soon as Fort Sumter was taken, and she feared for their safety. After Rob was killed, the war wasn't just words anymore — men were dying and her boys were amongst them. Lily was glad she would have Isobel there to comfort her if the worst did happen. There was nothing like family in such situations.

Jack and Lily were more than happy to take Rob's cousin in too, once Isobel wrote and told them of Lou's predicament. Isobel had said that although there had been no official word, it was more than likely that Kid had been killed in the same fight as Rob, leaving Lou a widow with a new baby. Lily did not hesitate in extending the offer of sanctuary to the young women and her child, just two more victims of the war. Lou was part of the family now.

When they finally arrived at the farm, Lily had wept for joy when she saw Isobel and the children. Isobel was similarly overcome, due also to the fact that their long journey was finally over. She was home for the first time in fifteen years, back with her own family. Isobel realized just how much she had missed South Carolina, and wondered how she ever left in the first place.

During the happy reunion, Lou could not but feel a little left out. She was a stranger again in a place she did not know. She hugged Ginnie to her as Isobel and Lily talked over the top of each other in excitement, and was overcome with loneliness. She thought of Rachel back in Rock Creek, and the invitation to come live with her that she'd received just after Virginia was born. Lou had refused her, explaining that she couldn't go back west without Kid. But standing there now, she wondered if she had made a mistake. At least she would be in a familiar place with people she knew. Lou just felt lost here.

But the decision had been hers. She had come to South Carolina knowing that if Kid send word or came looking for her in Williamsburg, then he would eventually find her here with Isobel. Lou decided to make the best of the situation until such time as she could return north, closer to him. She would go with Ginnie as soon as it was safe perhaps in just a month or two, but in the meantime she would accept Lily and Jack's hospitality graciously. They seemed like a friendly couple, and Lou was grateful they had kindly taken her into their home.

She would not let herself get too attached, however. The minute the fighting stopped in Virginia she would be going back to find Kid, no matter what it took.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

**January 1864**

The months Louise anticipated drifted into years and still the War Between the States did not end. Despite a crushing defeat at Gettysburg and continual losses, Robert E. Lee and the Confederate army refused to yield. The fighting drew further south and came at them from the west as well, and South Carolina was no longer the haven it had been in 1862. Every day there were more and more wounded soldiers on the road making a slow but definite retreat. Lily, Isobel and Lou tended to them when they came, feeding the hungry with what little they had and dressing their wounds. Morale was low, men were starving while their Northern foe continued to be resupplied. The Confederate army was ill-equipped, decimated by illness and desertion, but still the war did not end.

The family encountered an increasing number of Rebel soldiers, and Lou never failed to ask each and every one of them for news of her husband's regiment. She did not give up hope that the next day someone with news of Kid would come down the road. It was a futile hope in Isobel's opinion but she was not so cruel as to tell Lou. Some days that hope was the only thing that kept her going. Lily and Jack were likewise very careful not to broach the subject with Lou. They had soon learned that she was not ready to hear of the possibility that he had been killed years before.

Lou continued to write letters to Kid, and repeatedly contacted Confederate authorities for news of him. She still methodically checked the army's prisoner lists whenever they became available in Columbia, hoping somehow that he was in a northern prison away from the fighting. But she never found his name, and never heard from the War Office of his whereabouts. She was repeatedly informed that any information was, regrettably, unavailable at that time.

Despite her outward insistence that he was alive, it was getting harder for her to believe that Kid would return safely. Lou never revealed her fear to anyone. When she wrote to him she kept her letters full of news of their daughter in case they were somehow getting through to him. Virginia was growing so quickly that she had plenty to write about. Lou described her first step, her first word, the first time she laughed out loud. They had just celebrated her second birthday, though it seemed like only yesterday she was a baby.

Lou was heartsick that Kid was missing it all — that he hadn't even seen his beautiful daughter. She wished more than anything that he could see Ginnie just once, to recognize the familiar blue eyes she had, and a way of smiling that would melt the hardest of hearts. She wished Ginnie could meet her father, to have him protect her and watch out for her. One day, Lou repeatedly promised herself and her daughter. One day he had to come home to them.

But the day was a long time coming. A few months earlier in desperation Lou had resolved to travel to Richmond to find out once and for all if Kid was still alive. But the fighting in Virginia and North Carolina had escalated and Isobel refused to let her leave. She would not let Lou forget that she had a daughter to protect and it would do no good to go off and get herself killed when Ginnie needed her. Lou finally acquiesced, but not knowing for sure if Kid would ever come home to her was eating her up inside. She didn't know how long she could last not knowing the truth.

* * *

One crisp afternoon in October, Isobel and Jack returned from Columbia after purchasing their supplies for the month. They would invariably return from these excursions with disheartening news of how little Confederate money was worth now days, and the family would have to make do with the little provisions that were available. The children still ran to greet the wagon as it rolled slowly into the yard, just in case Isobel had been able to find some treat for them like molasses. Lou waited on the porch with Lily and laughed as Virginia and her cousins tried in vain to see what was in the back of the wagon. Jack was subdued as he drew the reins to a halt and Isobel looked haggard. The journey was long and Lou made up her mind she would be the one to go next time.

"Don't tell us, you couldn't even get flour this time," Lily called out gloomily. It was getting harder and harder to put food on the table for a passel of growing children.

"Things are bad in town. Hell, they're bad all over," answered Jack grouchily. His wife raised her eyebrows in surprise for it was usually Jack who made a joke of their circumstances so they would not worry so much. But this afternoon he scowled a black frown as he jumped down from the wagon. The children were scrambling in the back and poking through the packages, and Jack uncharacteristically snapped at them to stop. "Come on you kids, into the house. Leave that."

Lily was about to protest so he would let the children have some fun, but Jack silenced her with a grave look. He pulled at her arm and led her into the house. "You too," he said gruffly.

Lou turned questioningly to Isobel, and when her friend's eyes met hers Lou felt her heart skip a beat. Isobel looked more than haggard, she had been crying. Her eyes were clouded with worry and fear though she tried not to show it in front of the children.

"I need to talk to you," she said to Lou quietly.

Lou could not move. Ginnie dawdled behind the others who had already gone into the house. She could tell there was something wrong with her mother.

"Momma?" she whispered, tugging at Lou's skirts.

Lou did not take her eyes off Isobel, but she patted Virginia's head absently. "You go on in the house now. Everythin's all right."

Her daughter took an uncertain step, trying to make up her mind whether or not to believe her, then Lily bustled onto the porch and took her by the hand. Lou heard the door shut and she walked mechanically down the steps towards Isobel. She had a small package in her arms underneath her shawl but she was trying to hide it.

"Come over to the loft," Isobel said gently, taking her by the arm.

Lou did not reply but allowed herself to be led. When Isobel seated her beneath the old poplar tree next to the barn she withdrew the package and handed it to Lou.

"This was waiting in town for you."

Lou found she could not make her voice work, no sound escaped her lips. She fingered the package gently and read the faded words on its face. It was addressed to her in an unfamiliar hand and the post mark was from over a year ago. She looked questioningly at Isobel.

"I tried to find out why it has taken so long to get here, but Randolph said there's hardly any mail getting through these days." Isobel was trying to remain calm for Lou's sake but she knew all too well what came in such packages. She had eventually received a similar parcel from Rob's commanding officer after he was killed, containing some of his personal affects. She had wanted to spare Lou the pain she had gone through herself when she found out her husband was gone, but if she did not give her the parcel they would never know for sure. Isobel understood that it was pain itself to be uncertain.

Lou continued to finger the package slowly but she made no attempt to open it. Her eyes were wide and unseeing, her face pale and drawn. Isobel was about to offer to open it for when she finally took a deep breath and split open the brown paper. In an instant a bundle of letters spilled onto her lap. Both Isobel and Lou held their breath and she reached out tentatively to pick one up. Lou's hopes soared, thinking that they were all from Kid, and the absence of word from him had been nothing more than an ineffectual wartime postal system. But then she looked at the envelope closely and recognized her own handwriting.

Lou felt herself go dizzy as she read Kid's name on the front of the letter. Hastily she grabbed at the other letters in case there had been a mistake. But they were all the same — all addressed to Kid from her. Lou recognized the letters she had written to him when she found out she was pregnant, and the ones after Virginia had been born. They were all here, unopened.

Isobel bowed her head when she realized what Lou had received. Kid had never gotten any of her letters, had not known about his daughter. She could not think of the words to comfort Lou after such a discovery. As she stared at her feet in misery, Isobel noticed a folded sheet of paper that had fallen unnoticed to the ground. When she picked it up and read it her worst fears were realized.

"Lou," she murmured.

Her friend looked at her with imploring eyes, not able to hear any more bad news. Isobel looked down at the letter and began reading in a dull voice.

"…It is my sad duty to inform you that your husband has been officially classified missing presumed lost in the victorious Manassas engagement. Your husband's brave sacrifice for the Confederate States of America will be forever remembered, and his memory honored by all who believe in our Glorious Cause…"

Lou did not wait to hear any more. She rose unsteadily from her seat, the letters fluttering to the ground. Shaking off Isobel's comforting arm, she walked numbly towards the small creek a short distance from the house. Isobel watched in silent misery, unable to intervene, as Lou waded into the ankle-deep water. She stood unseeing and oblivious to the cold water.

Her mind was blank, unable to comprehend what the letter meant. When she regained her senses and let herself feel the consequences of those words, she felt herself falling and was unable to stop. Isobel wept as Lou sank slowly to her knees and remained there in the water, listless, as dusk fell.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

**April 1865**

The year that followed the news of Kid's reported death was one that Lou barely remembered. Isobel thought that having received official word from the war department might have somehow eased Lou's mind, for at least she knew for certain now. But instead Lou never mentioned the parcel of letters, and wouldn't have it spoken of by the others. Despite the official notification, she wouldn't let herself believe it. They had said "presumed lost", and that meant there was some hope. Isobel gave up trying to argue the point with her and just let it be.

They had other concerns during the last year of the war. Sherman and his army had reached South Carolina from Georgia and were steadily marching towards the sea. Columbia lay right in their path and in February of 1865 the city was taken and burned. Lou and the others had seen the distinct orange glow on the horizon as they lay huddled together in the old farm cellar. The Federal army had not encountered the farm as they were intent on reaching Columbia, the place they considered to be the birthplace of secession. But Jack had heard too many stories of looters and troops foraging for supplies so he insisted they remain in the damp, bitterly cold cellar until they could be sure they would remain unharmed.

The wake of Sherman's army left the inhabitants of the area admitting the inevitable defeat that the Confederate Cause would suffer. There was no possible way the decimated Rebel army could stave off the marauding Union soldiers, so it came as no great surprise when Lee surrendered the Army of Northern Virginia at Appomattox two months later.

Isobel and Lou received the news tiredly — finally it was all over. Lily and Jack wept on their knees when the news came for it meant that their boys would be coming home. Both of them had been spared and would soon be back on the land where they belonged. Though the future of the South was uncertain, Jack and Lily would have their sons back. In the end, that was all that mattered.

The surrender was followed by sporadic fighting but the curtain had been lowered on the Confederacy. The South was left gutted, towns and cities destroyed, farms and plantations ruined. Food was still scarce and livestock was almost impossible to come by, but Isobel began making plans to return to Williamsburg. Lily was appalled at the notion, after all there may nothing left of the farm to go back to. Williamsburg and the surrounding area had seen much fighting and in all likelihood their home would be destroyed.

But despite being South Carolinian by birth, Isobel felt it was her duty to return home. She felt she owed it to Rob to stay on their land and rebuild whatever damage had been done. The children were older now, and would have their own land when they became adults. Isobel was convinced it was her duty to return them to their home, to not let the Yankees deny them their birth right. No matter how ardently Lily protested, Isobel was determined to leave as soon as it was humanly possible.

Isobel just assumed that Louise and Ginnie would come with them back to Williamsburg. She and Lou were as close as sisters now, having shared the greatest of burdens and darkest of times during the past four years. Isobel could not imagine being without her. They were each other's strength and support, now they were both without husbands.

Lou duly left South Carolina when the time came. She was far more reserved now than she had once been, having learned to keep her emotions tightly locked away in order to survive. But leaving Lily and Jack was hard on them all, particularly for three-year-old Virginia who had come to love the couple like her very own grandparents. Both she and Lou cried sadly as they drew away from another home that was still not their own.

* * *

Much to Isobel's relief, the farm survived the war relatively unscathed, unlike the countless properties they had passed on their way north. The journey took even longer this time, as their only form of transportation was a rickety cart and a stubborn old mule which was almost on its last legs. Everyone took turns walking except for Ginnie, so it was many weeks before they finally reached Williamsburg.

The journey had been arduous, but everyone felt such a sense of relief being home that they were soon ready to begin rebuilding their farm and their lives. Lou was no exception. Isobel had once again assumed that once she left South Carolina with them she would stay on the farm as part of the family. Isobel knew it was what Kid would have wanted for her and their daughter, but Lou had other plans.

"Where on earth will you go?" Isobel cried incredulously when Lou revealed she would not stay on the farm. "You can't possibly try and go west now, Louise. It just isn't safe yet."

Lou sighed and braced herself for another argument with her friend. It seemed they always fought over any important decision that was made by either of them. This was one time when she would not be swayed or cajoled.

"I'm not goin' back to Rock Creek, not yet anyway," she explained patiently. "I haven't decided where we'll go eventually, but for now I know we can't stay."

"Is it because of Kid? Are you afraid the memories will be too strong here? Because if that's the case, Louise, surely it's better you're with people you know and love. You should be with your family."

"It's not that," Lou paused, knowing what kind of reaction her next utterance would cause. "I'm going to Manassas. If Kid's alive—"

"_Louise_!" Isobel gasped, exasperated. She could not believe that after all this time Lou believed he was still living.

"If Kid's alive," Lou repeated in a determined voice, "then I need to do all I can to find him. If I go to Manassas I have a better chance of findin' out some information about what happened."

"But it was four years ago!" Isobel protested. "There were tens of thousands of soldiers there, and thousands were killed. You can't possibly expect anyone to know anything or to remember him!"

"I don't expect it," she replied quietly. "But I still have to hope. You can't deny me that, Isobel, not after all we've been through together."

"I just don't want to see you waste your life chasing a ghost! You have Ginnie to think about — what kind of life can you make for her when you're forever watching the roads for Kid? He's not coming home, Louise, no matter what he promised you."

Lou looked at her like she had been slapped, and immediately Isobel felt guilty. No matter how much time passed, it seemed Lou was determined to hold out hope for her husband. There was nothing Isobel could say or do to convince her otherwise. She sighed tiredly and admitted defeat.

"Where will you go in Manassas?" Isobel asked after Lou had calmed down.

Lou took a moment to answer, to find her voice again. "I don't know yet. Maybe there's a hospital where I can work. We'll find a boarding house to stay in."

Isobel shook her head. "Corinne had a friend there, Julia Papen. She's a good woman, well respected in the town. I'm sure she'd take you in. I could write a letter."

Lou smiled and knew it was Isobel's way of giving her blessing. She hugged her friend tightly in thanks.

"But I will miss you, Louise." Isobel said with difficulty as she blinked back tears.

"I'll miss you too," Lou said, her eyes shining. She pulled back from Isobel and held her gaze. "But I have to go. I have to know for sure before I can do anythin'."

"Well, we'll be here when you find out for sure. I hope you won't stay away long."

"Thank you, Isobel. Thank you for everythin'." Lou hugged her again, but already her mind was racing.

Julia Papen. Manassas. Kid.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

**September 1865**

Julia Papen's house was situated near Manassas Junction, where four years before the first great battle of the war had raged. It was a small but stately dwelling surrounded by a cove of trees, under which some of the same Confederate soldiers who had once fought there now sat as they devoured the first decent meal they had received in a long time.

The men were scrawny, returning home after so many of years of fighting a war that was never supposed to last more than a few months. They were also wounded, most of them, and sickly and malnourished from meager army rations. A steady stream of returning soldiers flowed through Manassas on their way south in the months after peace had finally been reached. Some had been convalescing in hospitals, others were released from prison camps in the north, and many of them made their way to Julia Papen's home.

She was a well-bred woman, respected in the town as a good Christian who had selflessly nursed the sick and dying during the war. Even the battles in Manassas and the surrounding area failed to unseat her from her family home. Julia had lost both her husband, a major in the cavalry, and her only son at Gettysburg. She had devoted her entire life after that to the care and recuperation of wounded soldiers, and the townsfolk in Manassas venerated her for it.

It was by Julia Papen's side that Lou had spent the last three months, working tirelessly as more and more scraggly soldiers filled the roads leading south. They tended to the men, nursing their wounds, feeding them, and generally lifting the soldiers' spirits as they came to terms with the fact that the South, as they knew it, was dead. The despondency of some of the men was often difficult for Lou to understand. They were alive and going home to their families, what was more important than that? She bit her tongue, however, not wanting to destroy what little pride these men still had.

Secretly she was angry and bitter about the war, though she could never voice her unpatriotic thoughts to the likes of Julia Papen. It had brought nothing but misery to everyone she knew, including Julia who had lost her entire family. And yet Julia worked every day with an odd sense of calm — she was proud of the sacrifice her husband and son had made for The Cause. Lou saw nothing but waste and would always resent the fact that the war had taken Kid from her so soon after they were married.

Her attempts to find out what had happened to him were not progressing well, just as Isobel had predicted. For three months Lou had questioned every soldier she nursed or served a meal to. Some of them had fought at Manassas and she would badger them mercilessly until she was sure they had nothing to impart that might relate to Kid and his cavalry troop. Many of the men were so vague about the details of the fight that she was frustrated, but to them the specifics of the many engagements they fought in had blurred into one horrific memory of death and destruction. Lou soon realized that the likelihood of finding someone who could help her was fading.

* * *

One day in September, Julia was helping Lou sort through some of Virginia's clothes that no longer fitted her so they could be passed on to some of the poorer families in the area. Julia's charitable work was never-ending and Lou wondered how she managed to keep going sometimes. She felt she did not know the older woman particularly well, mainly because she felt ashamed in her presence when her own patriotic spirit failed to match Julia's.

But Lou did not dislike her, and often found herself in awe of the woman's generous and gentle nature. Julia sorted through the clothes efficiently, her mind probably on the other chores she had to do that day. Lou shook herself out of her reverie and took out another bag of clothes that she had brought from Isobel's.

Julia smiled at her as she worked, speaking little to Lou but sharing a companionable silence instead. Lou had found her silences unnerving at first, and thought her behavior was due to a coldness of character. But she soon learned that Julia was a quiet woman, content to work and make others happy with little regard for herself. Lou almost jumped in fright when Julia's voice was suddenly heard.

"What about this one, Louise?"

Julia had opened another bag and found the home-dyed mourning dress that Isobel had made for her on the farm near Columbia. It had been a pale blue dress that Lou liked to save for best, but Isobel had thought that after receiving the letter from the War Office, it was only proper that Lou should wear black.

Louise fingered the garment now, trance-like, as Julia held it out to her. She had not looked at it in over in a year, after angrily telling Isobel that until she knew for sure that Kid was dead she would not wear mourning clothes for him. She had vainly hoped that somehow the letter had been a mistake, that Kid had been transferred to another regiment and somehow the army officials had lost track of him. But now, many months after the war had ended, Lou wondered if she was being naïve waiting for him to return.

"Maybe I should keep it," she said quietly, sitting on the bed.

Julia contemplated her a moment, then sat down beside her.

"You haven't worn it yet?"

"I haven't been game to," Lou replied, running her hands over the dark gray fabric. "It would be admittin' that I'd given up. I don't know if I'm ready to do that yet."

Julia nodded silently, deep in thought. She knew why Lou had chosen to work with her in Manassas. It was her husband's home originally, and where he had been supposedly lost in battle. She knew Lou watched for him on the road every day, that she still questioned the soldiers in their care for news of him. But it had been many months now and the soldiers would eventually stop coming. Julia wondered what Louise would do when that day came.

"Do you think I'm being silly?" Lou asked her in a small voice. "Still believing he's alive, I mean."

"I don't think you're silly, Louise," said Julia, and then surprised her by taking her hand in her own. "I think you love your husband very much and want him to come home to you and your daughter."

Lou dropped her eyes which had grown misty with tears. "I think I'd know if he was dead. Shouldn't I be able to feel it if he's truly gone?" Her eyes were pleading now as she tried to read Julia's expression. "Did you know when your husband and son were killed, even before they told you?"

Julia wished she could answer in the affirmative in order to comfort Lou, but she was not a liar. The news of the deaths of her son and husband within a day of each other had devastated her so much that she contemplated taking her own life. She knew people in the town thought her incapable of so selfish an act, but she did not pretend to be the martyr they made her out to be. When she revealed this to Lou the young woman was surprised, prompting Julia to smile ruefully.

"People think I just accepted the news like a true Southern patriot, then went about my nursing duties… another tragic widow of the Great War. But it was the hardest thing I ever had to face, Louise. I, too, hoped that there was some terrible mistake and John and Edward would suddenly be at the door, safe in my arms. I held onto that hope every day until I knew it was futile. It was a difficult admission, but one I needed to make on my own."

Julia's eyes were full of tears. "I know what you are going through and all I can tell you is one day you'll know when to put this on."

Lou pondered her words thoughtfully. "I'm not sure what to believe any more. I've been waitin' for so long. Sometimes I think I'm just bein' selfish, you know, because I can't face up to the truth. I've kept my daughter here in the South throughout the whole war, just waitin' for Kid to find us. I could have gone back to Rock Creek. Rachel, my friend there, has been askin' me to come home since Ginnie was born. But I refused every time because I wanted to be close to Kid."

Lou had hidden such feelings away for so long but she wanted to tell Julia everything now. "Maybe I should go west. My brother and sister are there — they haven't even met their niece. We could all go back to Rock Creek, away from the disease and death of this war. I could just put on this dress and go home with my daughter."

Julia heard the conviction in Lou's voice, but her eyes revealed the unease behind the solution. She was tied to this place as long as Kid was missing. In Lou's mind, leaving was the obvious solution. Her husband was gone, she could go and start her life again away from the bitter memories of the South. But Lou's heart whispered that perhaps Kid was alive and trying to get home to her. He might be injured or held captive, lost far from home but always striving to return home as he promised. As long as she had a glimmer of hope she could not leave, and she could not put on her mourning dress.

"Well?" said Julia patiently. She looked kindly at the young woman, so tormented in spirit and yet oddly calm in visage. "Will you leave or stay?"

Louise smiled resolutely, swallowing the painful lump in her throat. Carefully she handed the dress back to Julia.

"You'd better put this back for now," she whispered.

Julia blinked back her own tears and heartache, packed the mourning dress back into the bag and removed it from the room. When she returned, her eyes were clear and her normal countenance was restored.

"I believe we have earned ourselves a cup of tea," she said serenely.

Lou nodded in agreement, locking her sadness away once more. Before they went downstairs however, she took Julia by the arm and gave the slim woman a quick hug.

"Thank you, Julia."

The woman smiled warmly and rested her hand on Lou's cheek. "Anytime." Linking her arm in Lou's, she lead her downstairs in search of Ginnie.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

The weeks passed quickly, and winter approached steadily. Lou spent her days working busily in the kitchen or nursing the returning soldiers. Virginia was left to her own devices for much of the day, and she spent her time playing in Julia's yard, much to amusement of the weary men who sat in the shade, eating and resting. To them, the girl was the first real sign of life they had seen after so many years of death. They enjoyed her childish chatter and would offer to watch her during the day so Lou could go about her duties. Some of the men had no homes or family to return to, so they stayed encamped at Julia Papen's for weeks on end. Ginnie was their sole amusement in a world gone to hell.

One day, a lone soldier arrived at the homestead and gratefully received a parcel of food from Julia. He was obviously half-starved, but he refrained from eating until he had thanked her properly in a polite Southern voice. Sitting under a tree by himself, he devoured the food quickly using both hands. Virginia had been chasing their scrawny chickens around the yard but when she saw the starving man she stopped her play and watched him curiously. After a moment, the man felt her presence and looked up at the small girl, ashamed.

"Pardon me, miss," he said, a faint smile under his beard. "I forgot my manners."

"You must be real hungry, mister," Ginnie replied. She sat down beside him as if they were on a picnic, without a care in the world.

"Yes, I am."

The soldier seemed to have lost his appetite though, and only picked at his food. He felt awkward next to the pretty child, who was dressed in a blue pinafore that matched her eyes. His own clothes were ragged and filthy, his boots held together by string. He was unwashed, unshaven and unkempt, and yet the girl showed no fear and did not comment on his appearance. She simply looked at him with her clear blue eyes, her round face framed by long dark hair.

"D'you live here?" he asked.

"Yessir, with my mother. We came up from South Carolina."

"A true Southern lady." The man smiled at her, as if remembering happier times. "What's your name?"

"Virginia, like the state."

"That's a fine name," the soldier said, his words meaningful. "Virginia's my home."

"My daddy's too. He's a soldier like you."

"Does he live here with you too?"

"No, we don't know where he is," said Ginnie. "My momma says he'll come back though. Are you going home, mister?"

"Yes," the man said sadly. "I've been away a long time."

Julia came out onto the porch then and scanned the yard for Ginnie. She spied her talking to one of the soldiers as usual.

"Miss Virginia, it's time for supper. You come inside now," Julia ordered. She did not entirely approve of the way the girl spent her days with the returning soldiers who were weak and sickly. Yet she could deny the affect Virginia had on their morale. She obviously brightened their miserable lives, and Lou never stopped her spending time with them.

"I'm comin'!" Ginnie yelled across the yard.

Julia frowned disapprovingly at her annunciation and walked back into the house.

Virginia turned back to the soldier. "I guess I better go."

"That your momma?" he asked.

"No, that's Julia. We're just living here with her 'til Daddy comes home."

"Well, I hope he comes home soon to you." The man stood up stiffly, wrapping up the rest of the food and dropping it into a sagging, weathered knapsack. "I'd better be on my way. I've got a fair piece to travel before I get to where I'm going."

"Good luck, mister," said Ginnie with a smile. "Safe trip."

The soldier tipped his hat to her and started down the road. He moved slowly and gingerly with a pronounced limp in one leg. Ginnie watched as he walked away, waving goodbye.

Lou opened the door of the house and saw her standing in the middle of the road, chickens pecking around her feet. She was waiting as one of the battered soldiers left the yard, seeing them off as she always did.

"Ginnie, I thought Julia asked you to come in for supper," Lou called out in an admonishing tone. "I've been lookin' for you."

"Coming, Momma," Ginnie cried back.

She glanced back to the soldier once more and was surprised to see he had stopped dead in his tracks. It was if he'd suddenly lost the use of his legs. Virginia thought he might need a doctor, or at least some nursing by Julia or her mother. Ginnie was about to suggest it when Lou walked down into the yard towards her daughter, her eyes focused on the man. The soldier turned slowly and looked back at her, puzzlement on his face.

Lou wondered if he was one of the many soldiers she had nursed during the war. He was certainly dressed like one of the poor Confederate boys, his tattered uniform was barely recognizable from the smart gray outfits many had started out with. He continued to stare at her above his shaggy brown beard, his eyes shadowed by the broad brim of a battered cavalry hat.

She suddenly felt strange under his gaze, and sensed an odd nagging impulse in her mind. He was definitely familiar to her somehow, but she had seen so many ragged soldiers in her time. Lou was concentrating so hard that she didn't hear Julia walk up beside her, nor did she turn when the older woman asked her what they were staring at. There was something about him that Lou could not place. As she watched the man took off his hat and held it carefully in his hands before him, but he did not approach them.

Julia was about to repeat her query, puzzled by the trance-like expression on Lou's face. But before she opened her mouth a small sound escaped Lou's lips and she started walking towards the soldier, slowly at first until she broke into a run. Julia and Virginia watched in surprise as she flew down the road towards him, only to pull up short in front of him. He and Lou continued to stare at each other without speaking, her chest rising and falling with each deep breath.

Lou needed to see his eyes up close, to look into those clear blue eyes to make sure. The man's face was dirty and almost covered by his beard and hair, but it didn't matter. She just needed to see his eyes. They were full of tears as he stared dumbfounded at her, as if she was just an illusion. To make sure he wasn't dreaming her, he reached out a tentative, muddied hand and touched her cheek. She was real.

"Lou?" he said, his voice a hoarse whisper.

With a cry she leapt forward a flung her arms around his neck, holding on for dear life. Kid's knees buckled under her weight but he did not fall. He tightened his own arms around her and lowered his head, disbelieving, onto her shoulder. His face crumpled in a rush of relief and deep-seated pain. He drew strength from her embrace, his weary body at the point of collapse. His long journey was over.

"You came home," she murmured emotionally, hot tears rushing down her face. "You finally came home."

She pulled away from him and cradled his weeping face in her hands. "They all said you were dead, but I didn't believe them. I knew you'd come!"

"I promised you I would," Kid said simply. Lou kissed him long and hard then hugged him again, laughing through her tears.

Julia and Virginia were watching, transfixed, from a distance. Ginnie could not believe her mother's behavior, and looked shocked at Julia who had knelt down beside her.

"Virginia, I'd say your father has finally found you," Julia said in reply to her unspoken question.

"Daddy?" asked Ginnie slowly, as she turned back to the embracing couple. She didn't quite know what to make of the situation. She had always dreamed of meeting him one day, but now that he was here she didn't know what to do.

"Why don't you go and say hello? I'm sure he'd like to meet you," Julia urged. Her own eyes were moist with happiness for Louise who had finally been reunited with her beloved Kid. She gave Ginnie a slight push and sent her on her way.

The girl ran towards her parents and had to tug at Lou's dress before her mother even noticed she was there. Reluctantly she let go of Kid and put her arm around her daughter. Lou smiled shyly as she looked at him now, unable to find the right words to introduce his daughter to him after so many years — the daughter he never knew existed until now. Kid sank to one knee before Ginnie, trying to comprehend what was happening.

"You're my Daddy," the girl stated calmly. Kid did not know what to say. He looked helplessly at her, but Ginnie merely grinned and jumped into his arms. Fresh tears escaped Kid's eyes as he hugged his daughter for the first time. He picked her up carefully and Lou embraced them both. They were finally together as a family.

Julia continued to watch the happy scene before her, as did the other soldiers in the yard. She did not stay long though, and walked towards the house alone. She would not intrude on their moment of happiness, a promise fulfilled.


End file.
